Saturday, July 16, 2011

Update from yesterday

Yesterday Nathan had round two of the GN chemotherapy treatment. He has not been feeling very well. He is tired, weak, and pretty sick. His appetite is pretty much non existent. His blood work did not come back very good. Mainly it's his Neutrophil that is low, that is a type of white blood cell that is designed to fight off infections and diseases that enter the body. His counts are low and immune system is very compromised right now. Lots of laying in bed and staying away from anything he could catch. He has to take daily shots at home until we go back to Houston next Wednesday to check his counts again. He does have a week break from the chemotherapy then we go back on the 29th for round three. On a personal note, its so easy to take so many small things for granted. Just living life, doing daily things. Someone with cancer has to put EVERYTHING on hold and it SUCKS to watch. It is really hard to watch someone go in and out of the hospital and watch them go through so much and then come home and be sick and you can't do a thing about it!!! You know throughout my life I have known people that have known someone with cancer and I have heard stories but until you experience it first hand it is so hard to fully understand. I know people sympathize but it is so different going through it personally with someone you love. Some days I feel strong and some days I feel weak. On the weak days I feel guilty because it is not me who is sick it's Nathan. He is the one who has it hard not me. I think cancer brings up so many emotions it's hard at times to sort them all out. It's like you become a part of this club, a club you don't really want to be in. A club full of fighters, survivors, and care givers that understand completely what it is like to live like this, because they have done it. This morning as I am getting ready for work Aedyn jumped on the bed next to Nathan and said "lets play super heros", and I said "baby he can't he is sick today." Those moments are hard especially when you expect a four year old to understand sickness or cancer in this case. It's hard to go to work and leave Nathan and carry on my normal days and I guess that is why I feel like this today. On the positive side it could always be worse and I am blessed that we have this day, so please don't take my personal thoughts as me being ungrateful or complaining. Thanks for reading. Hope to see everyone at Nathan's benefit tonight at Hanovers in Pflugerville, it starts at 8:30. $5.00 cover at door. We have great music, raffles, food, and much more. God Bless!!!!

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